Home is Where the Heart Is: Love Letters after Death

My greatest challenge in 2016 is the death of my husband. Cecil passed away March 31, 2016.  A grief specialist recommended not only writing a letter to Cecil but writing the response as well.  Below is my attempt at this activity.  I never dreamed how much joy this activity would bring:

Dear Sweetheart:

Home is where the heart is. My heart is in you and your heart is in me. That makes us at home in each other’s heart wherever we are. I used to say these words to you, my darling husband periodically during your extended hospital stay. I knew how much home meant to both of us and hoped these words would ease our anxieties as we trusted in the Almighty Sovereign God and medical science to heal your physical body.  As the days turned into weeks and then months, I found myself saying these words over and over again.   Home is where the heart is. My heart is in you and your heart is in me. That makes us at home in each other’s heart wherever we are.   I wanted so much for you to live and return home.  But, it did not happen that way.

I can only imagine how much you worried about me during your long stay in the hospital.  You were notorious for keeping worry to yourself.

Making decisions were never my strongpoint.  Six weeks have passed since your transition.  Still, I ponder and sometimes cry uncontrollably thinking of you lying in the intensive care unit so long at the mercy of nurses and doctors.  Honestly, sweetheart, I did not know what to do, how to let go, what your wishes were.  Many days, I found myself in the hospital chapel crying my heart out.  I believe in my heart that you understand.  And I thank you so very much for your loving, patient, and generous companionship.

My days are still hard to get through. I miss you so much.  Sometimes I wonder if my tears and heart ache will ever lessen.  I read in one of Dr. Kubler-Ross’s books that grief is wholesome and healing, and tears are healthy.  And, that there is no time limit to healing from the loss of a loved one.  The book recommends letter writing as a healing tool. So, I am trying my hand at her recommendation.

You are the “apple of my eye and you sit on the throne of my heart.”  These were words you used to say to me.  Thank you Booby.  I miss you so much. Our home is not the same without your physical presence.  Until I am able to sense your spiritual presence, I will have to remind myself more and more of the words I shared with you during February and March 2016:  Home is where the heart is. My heart is in you and your heart is in me. That makes us at home in each other’s heart wherever we are.

Indeed, sweetheart, you are in my heart eternally.  I love you.  I miss you.  My heart is in you and your heart is in me. That makes us at home in each other’s heart wherever we are.

Love

Boo Boo

May 15, 2016

___________________

My darling Boo Boo!

My heart leaped for joy to read your beautiful letter. You never cease to amaze me with your love and the depth of your spirituality.  Like I always shared with you, it was your spirituality that attracted me most to you.

Yes, darling, we know each other so well.  I did spend a lot of time worrying about you while I was ill.   But, no more, because I know deep within my soul, that you will be just fine.  Stop worrying so much!  I am whole, happy, and watching over you 24-7!

Get back to exercising.  Drink plenty of water.  Remember how I kept those water bottles full.  Keep drinking water. Eat plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables. Don’t stop practicing Whole Life Health Care.  That is our brand. Keep it up.

My physical time on the earth was generous – 78 years and 8 months.  The Almighty Sovereign God granted me the privilege of spending 33 of those years with you.  You are the apple of my eye and will always sit on the throne of my heart.

Stay strong and be encouraged.  I love you more than you will ever know. Home is where the heart is. My heart is in you and your heart is in me. That makes us at home in each other’s heart wherever we are.

Love

Booby

May 15, 2016